Jean — "Jeannie"
by Gloria Grow
December 1999 newsletter
There are simply not enough words to describe the way I feel, or the way I know so many people feel about our Jeannie. She is such a beautiful chimpanzee, with a kind and gentle nature, very childlike in her innocence, yet very distant and mysterious, but it is Jeannie's eyes that will capture you. It was those eyes, the eyes that could melt a heart of steel that instantly brought me to tears the very first day I met her, and filled me with overwhelming sadness, guilt and pain, but also the need to end this horrible thing we were doing to these wonderful beings.
I remember the day I met Jean so very clearly, especially the way she tried to look into my eyes that were hidden behind goggles, along with the cap that covered my hair, the mask covering my nose and mouth, the long white lab coat that covered my clothes, the green booties that covered my shoes, and the rubber gloves covering my hands. I remember Jeannie trying desperately to see who was behind all that gear. I would see Jean twice after that in the months before she finally moved in.
On this day I met Jean, the very first time I was ever in a bio-medical research lab, I saw Jean have some sort of seizure, tantrum, episode. I’m not sure what medical term you would use to describe someone that was spinning, screaming, salivating, biting, and hitting herself, then hugging herself, urinating, defecating, and looking completely possessed all at once. This episode was brought on that day because we were there. I’ll never forget how the technician Mike Gordon, just walked up to Jean and stuck his hands between the narrow bars and pressed his body right up to the cage, so Jean could feel him. He was her friend and he cared and she need to know someone was there for her. I’ll never forget that day. 
The memory of Jeannie kept me awake at night, as did so many of the faces and images from that first day, but they also changed our lives forever. There was no doubt that we knew what we had to do!
The chimpanzees that we were to provide a home for were being socialized for their life in a sanctuary. Some folks had lived alone of over 20 years. These first months were incredibly difficult for the staff of LEMSIP, and there really wasn’t much time to waste, there was so much pressure, not enough space and not enough time to wait for relationships to develop. The chimpanzees lived in cages measuring 5’x5’x7’, with a tunnel going to an attached cage the same size, and in these very small enclosures two and even three adult chimpanzees were to meet and work it out.
Jeannie couldn’t do it, her behavior could ruin all chances of creating a social group that would work between 8 chimpanzees, and so it was decided that Jean #562, would not be going to Canada after all. Jean with her vast emotional problems, simply could not cope with the stress of social living. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, there was no way Jeannie could stay in that environment, she simply had to get out, everyone agreed, but what could be done. I never accepted that Jean might not make it to our sanctuary, after all she was who we were building it for, along with her cell mates. I thank God to this day that Jeannie had her friend Mike Gordon who fought for her and believed with all his heart that she would be okay if she just had a decent chance, and of course the person responsible for the release of the fourteen other chimpanzees in our care, Dr. Jim Mahoney.
Dr. Mahoney told me once that Jean had snapped during her HIV studies, after too much for too long. Jean had spent the majority of her life in bio-medical research, nearly 24 years. Many souls simply cannot endure the rigors of life in the lab. Many survive physically, but mentally everyone most definitely will never return to a normal state. In Jean's final months in the lab she was medicated for her anxiety, I never saw her after she was moved form the unit she was in when we met, until one day I heard some blood curdling screaming in the unit next to the one I was in. I had been advised not to visit Jean as it may upset her, and I had no intention of doing that, and I also never wanted to meet the chimpanzees that I knew we could not help. There was no on in the unit I was in so I went to see who was screaming. I had a gut feeling this was Jeans voice I was hearing, just screaming and screaming.
I was right, it was her, there she was in this unit where at least 6 other chimpanzees were living, I tried so hard not to look at anyone else, but remember Pierre, and Blair, how sad, how horrible. There was a technician in there, and the music was so loud blasting out some Bob Seeger song, and the guy was yelling over that, and over the banging and screaming of the chimps. As I started to walk, bent over towards Jean's cage this guy came yelling over to me to be careful cause Jean was really a crazy b---- and she’ll get you if she has a chance. I left there after Jeannie stopped screaming, and cried my whole trip back to Canada.
Jeannie to this day has twitches, spasms, and episodes, although few and far between. She loves mostly on her own, but has make some friends. For now, Jeannie relies a great deal on her human friends, but we fell really confident that even this will change. Jean has improved so much, and one day she may have better chimpanzee relationships. Jeans needs are simple. She has gone for so long with absolutely nothing, that for her right now even the smallest things are meaningful and enriching for her.
Jean waits patiently each morning for the humans to greet her, and gets upset if you don’t. Jeannie loves the fresh air, the cool morning air is her favorite. She runs outside, rolls herself down onto the concrete path, stretches her arms and legs out and wriggles on the cool surface. She makes some absolutely adorable sounds, them seems to just enjoy the smells, and sensations of the sun and the wind. After that she expects her breakfast, which consists of bunches of bananas, and this is all she needs at this point to keep her happy. Up to her bed , in her nice clean room she will go and enjoy her breakfast. Then she must enjoy the sensations on her clean, warm flat floor, and so she lays there feet in the air arms extended, fingers through the holes to reach out to a human friend for some reassurance, and some affection, at this time you can find Jeannie being adored by a friend and sometimes room mate Pablo. Then it’s nap time, and when Jeannie wakes up it is the time the afternoon volunteers start arriving, and Jeannie looks forward to this time. Jean has a few special friends and expects so little from them , perhaps the occasional back scratch, gentle tough to her fingers, or even just sitting listening to a friend telling her how very beautiful and how sweet she is. Jean ends each and every day with a drink and some bananas. Jeannie likes to sit in front of me on the floor while I hold the drink and she sips so very slowly from the straw.
This special time of day when Jean holds my fingers, and swishes her drink around in her mouth to make it last longer, and looks tight into my eyes and sort of sways in a rythmic motion, is a powerful time. Those eyes, they see right into my soul. Those eyes that are the windows in to hers. She has a soul you know, and for this reason I find some of these nights before I leave the chimp house so incredibly depressing.
This Jeannie that I love so very much, that so many people that meet her love so much, this Jean #562 has been tortured, and scarred for life, physically and emotionally, this wonderful, beautiful, kind, and gentle innocent being, all curled up on the concrete floor, locked in a room with bars on the windows, will always be a prisoner, and will spend the rest of her life incarcerated because she was chosen to be sacrificed for the betterment of man.
Will we live longer, feel better, and look great if we torture and kill other living beings? I personally think we can never feel right if we are doing these horrible things for our own improvement. Doing good things, makes you feel good, looking after yourself helps you to live longer healthier lives, feeling at peace with yourself, knowing you are living a compassionate life, this is what gives you inner happiness, and if you are happy on the inside it will show in your health, on your face, and in your life. We can never find happiness or even health from what was done to Jeannie!
